Deep in the Heart of Texas

Joel's folks were visiting us for Jack's birthday and they had to leave today. Both boys were eager to snuggle with their Grandpa this morning when the woke up and came downstairs. Jack suddenly went to our picture window and said "Wow, that is a huge black cat walking up the road. I hope it's not Scout (our large black cat)." I told him it wasn't as I'd just seen Scout upstairs so he was safe inside.

"Maybe it's a cougar!" said Grandpa teasingly.

"No, there aren't cougars in Vermont. Cougars live in Texas." replied Alex

"Yup and it's one, two, three, four, five states away. A nine day drive to Texas!" contributes Jack.

"Actually, there are way more than five states between us and Texas, but at the same time it wouldn't take nine days unless you chose to make a lot of stops." I added.

"Yeah Jack, you were really wrong." Alex scolds. "And there are lots and lots of cougars in Texas. Lots."

"How long do you think it takes to get to Texas?" asks Grandpa innocently.

"152 days." Alex replies seriously.

Grandpa and I exchanged a knowing look and mutually realized we probably weren't going to get very far explaining the lack of cougars in Texas. Although, I suppose if they were talking about older women dating younger men, perhaps Texas does have a lot of cougars . . . if they are out there, Alex will surely find them.

Tall Tales of Grandpa

On the way home with boys tonight Alex once again said something about Jack being "weird." I didn't even have to say anything about not using "hurt words" as Jack jumped right in and the following conversation ensued.

JACK: Alex, you have been saying that ever since Grandpa and Grandma Joyce last came to our house.

ALEX: Have not!

JACK: Yes you have!! You kept telling Grandpa he was weird and he said you were weird, and you'd say you weren't and he was. Grandpa is NOT weird - if Grandpa is weird than you are too.

ALEX: I said he was weird because he kept sitting on us!

JACK: Yeah, well I like it when he sits on us, it's funny.

ALEX: I can't breathe when he sits on me - he's too big and I'm too little. You really like it?

JACK: I do, it's funny! I also like trying to eat his thumb.

ALEX: Yeah, I like that game - I almost got it once!

JACK: I did bite it - but not hard.

ALEX: That's good, we shouldn't hurt Grandpa, even if he does sit on me.

Okay - let me just say that I have NEVER seen my father-in-law sit on either boy. He plays with them, they laugh and tickle, but NEVER have I seen all this sitting and finger biting they both talked about in such detail. I will have to keep my eyes open when they get here at the end of the week . . .

Synonyms & Wally

This morning Jack and Joel went out for the first day of youth hunting season. When they left at 6ish in the morning, Alex crawled into bed with me and I thought that meant I might get to sleep until 7am or maybe even 7:30, snuggling with my Bander-Bear. **sigh**

At about 6:20am Alex says "Mama, get your butt out of bed."
I reply, "WHAT did you just say to me?"

Alex - Mama, PLEASE get your butt out of bed.

Me - Alex, I'm not getting up if you are going to talk to me like that.

Alex - uh, uh, Mama, PLEASE get your toukas out of bed?

Me - ALEX!

Alex - Mama! PLEASE get your gluteuus maximus out of bed?

At this I had to laugh - I mean, he was trying . . .

So later in the day we went on an "adventure" with our friend Andrea and her son Evan, who is a year younger than Alex (he just turned 5). In the backseat of our car they were singing some song about butts, to which both us Mom's demanded a total cease and desist or NO CANDY when we got to our destination (which was Chutters, the world's longest candy counter, to get decorations for Jack's birthday cake next week).

After a pause, Evan began singing, sort of to the tune of "Frosty the Snowman," his own song called "Wally, the big Green Monster." Alex asked if Wally's real name is the BIG green monster, to which I said I didn't think so, but since he is big, the song made sense to me.

Evan then declared that Wally had no butt. Andrea said she figured he did since any creature that can sit has a "back end." From here there was no saving the conversation.

Evan: You know, if Wally has a butt, then Wally has a penis.

Alex: Yup, he does, he has penis.

Evan: If he has a butt, he has a penis. He has a weiner.

Me: Okay then, that's enough.

Andrea (clearly TRYING to change the focus of the conversation): Evan, do you remember Mimi & Bumpa's (her folks) weiner dog?

Evan: Yes, he had a penis on his back.

Alex: That sounds like a very weird dog.

Andrea: Honey, Mackenzie was a girl dog.

Evan: Oh, that means she had a gyna.

Alex: Yes, girls have gynas - even girl dogs.

Me: Okay then - so what candy do you want to find at the candy counter?

Seriously - there was no saving the conversation but for the fact that we got to the store and then everyone was distracted by seriously, the longest candy counter in the world.

Jack will have a very cool cake (underwater scene with candy chocolate rocks for the sand, green licorice seaweed, gummy fish, sharks and lobsters) and I know A LOT more about Wally the Green Monster then I ever thought I needed to know (and this coming from a life-long Red Sox fan).

Spring is Springing!

April is coming in full of the promise of spring. For Alex, this means he doesn't feel he should have to wear "real coats," but instead can use his beloved zip-up sweatshirt collection for all outdoor needs. This child has at least 4 zip-up sweatshirts (thank you Aunt Noelle for the 2 he got at Christmas!), but when he wears one to school and one to bed (don't ask, we don't know why), we are constantly washing them. I fear this weekend will send me to the store in search of more so we can avoid frantic morning searches of "Where is my sweatshirt? Mama, is it clean? Tell me my green one is clean!"

While the beginning of this week was full of rain, EVERYONE has been talking about the warm weather coming at the end of the week. Seriously - really spring like weather - 70's and sunny! Last night as I put the boys to bed Alex was literally writhing in his bed saying "I can't sleep Mama, I'm so excited for tomorrow!" I asked why, not thinking of the weather forecast, "MAMA - it's going to be like 100 degrees tomorrow! It will be like summer! I'm going to wear my tank top and my sweatshirt and maybe I can even take it off at recess!"

He did finally get to sleep, but the first words out of his mouth this morning were "Oh I am SO EXCITED! It's going to be warm today and we'll get two outdoor recesses!"

As I look out my office window and the sun is shining, I can picture both boys playing happily in the sunshine - and maybe Alex's teacher will let him take the sweatshirt off outside . . .

Money makes the world go round . . .

Last night I had the boys in Walmart as we had to get a birthday gift for Alex's friend. After much hemming and hawing we selected a nice "fishing guy action figure" (I am NOT making that up). "Fully Articulated Figure" is printed right on the box and it comes with a boat, net, fishing pole and two large mouth fish. We all agreed it was pretty cool and much better than the Power Ranger Alex originally wanted to get for him. We also got the friend a set of "Crazy 8" cards as Alex is a true chard shark; I figure his friends should be prepared as he already wants to play for money.

This brings me to the focal point of this post: While walking by the DVD's Jack discovered that you can get the whole first season of the animated "Star Wars: The Clone Wars." He literally JUMPED for joy! I had to rain on his parade as it cost $35 and while I'm all for the impromptu baseball card or Hot Wheels car purchase, $35 is out of Mama's price range.

Jack took this well though and we agreed it was a good item for his birthday list, or something we as a family could save up for together (Jack clearly thinking I am as excited about this as he is - Joel might actually enjoy it, whereas I could never see it and live a totally fulfilled life).

"Alex" Jack said as we walked to the checkout area "would you give some of your money to get the movie?"

Alex shakes his head "no."

"But Alex" Jack implores "you love Star Wars like I do - you'll really like having all the episodes!"

"Jack" Alex says very seriously "you are forgetting that I am saving all my money so I can be rich."

"Oh right" Jack sighs "and then you'll use it to buy all the Star Wars Lego sets."

"RIGHT!" Alex shouts cheerfully.

Maybe Alex will be the one to keep me and Joel in the manner to which we'd like to become accustomed in our old age . . . assuming he'll spend his money on us.

Tattoo You

I'm back - it's been awhile but I'm back!

A few weeks ago Alex hopped up onto my lap and declared "I want a permanent tattoo."

"Really?" I replied, thinking it was interesting he knew the difference between his kid tattoos and "permanent tattoos."

"Yes. I'm getting a permanent tattoo right here" and he pointed to the spot right between his eyebrows. "Will it hurt?" he asked innocently.

"Yes, it will hurt" I answered, somewhat stunned.

"Really? Because they will just go in-out, in-out, in-out. Will it still hurt?"

"Yes, it will still hurt. You know Alex, if you get a tattoo on the middle of you forehead everyone will see it all the time."

"They will?" he asked "but we don't see Daddy's all the time." (Joel has a tattoo on his upper arm of the Wild Thing from "Where the Wild Things Are.")

"Honey, everyone can't see Daddy's tattoo all the time because it's on his arm and it's covered by his shirt."

"Oh right - I guess people only see it when he wears a tank top."

At this I almost laughed out loud as in the now close to 14 years I've known Joel he has NEVER worn a tank top.

"Well, I think mostly people see it when Daddy goes to the beach and isn't wearing a shirt. But if you get a tattoo on your forehead, you can't cover it with a shirt or anything."

"That's okay Mama, I'll just cover it with a band-aid and take it off when I want the guys to see it. That way the girl's can't see it ever."

And with that, the conversation ended as Jack returned from brushing his teeth and demanded Alex take his turn. Saved by the demand for dental hygiene!

Big Bang Theory

On our ride home tonight Jack explained a game he's been playing with his friend William at recess. Apparently it's sort of an Indiana Jones meets The Magic Tree-house/Dr. Who. Jack gets to be Indy and William is Shorty. There is a tree in the playground they call the "Time Travel Tree."

If I understood him correctly, they went to the Time Travel Tree and it took them all the way back to before the Big Bang. "Where were you?" I asked. "Before the Big Bang Mama - before the cave men and the dinosaurs - before the earth!"

"Okay, but if there was no earth, then where were you?"

"In space. We are floating in space."

"Gotcha - well how do you get back to earth?"

"That's the problem, there is no Time Travel Tree because there is no earth, so we are stuck in outer space. It's really not fair because I don't have my whip either!"

"What happened to your whip? Doesn't Indy always have his whip?"

"Well, the first time we used the Time Travel Tree we went to the future and it got lost, so now I don't have it when we are in space."

Alex chimed in with this question "Why can't you get a new whip?"

"ALEX" Jack said, "you can't just find a whip in outer space!"

Trying to avoid an argument about whips in space, I jumped back in to ask for more details on the whole floating around in space thing. Jack clarified by saying they have to stay in space until the Big Bang, at which point they can get back to earth because, as Jack said "that's when God created it - he made the bang."

"Oh No" Jack says "there is something important I forgot to tell William."

"What's that?" I ask.

"I forgot to tell him that after the Big Bang and the earth gets made, it starts out all water. So it's going to take a long time to get to the Time Travel Tree. First the land has to come, then the tree. It starts out as just a twig you know."

"Really?" I say. "I had no idea . . ."

I have to say, I like the idea of Indy and his buddy floating through space looking for Indy's whip.