Synonyms & Wally

This morning Jack and Joel went out for the first day of youth hunting season. When they left at 6ish in the morning, Alex crawled into bed with me and I thought that meant I might get to sleep until 7am or maybe even 7:30, snuggling with my Bander-Bear. **sigh**

At about 6:20am Alex says "Mama, get your butt out of bed."
I reply, "WHAT did you just say to me?"

Alex - Mama, PLEASE get your butt out of bed.

Me - Alex, I'm not getting up if you are going to talk to me like that.

Alex - uh, uh, Mama, PLEASE get your toukas out of bed?

Me - ALEX!

Alex - Mama! PLEASE get your gluteuus maximus out of bed?

At this I had to laugh - I mean, he was trying . . .

So later in the day we went on an "adventure" with our friend Andrea and her son Evan, who is a year younger than Alex (he just turned 5). In the backseat of our car they were singing some song about butts, to which both us Mom's demanded a total cease and desist or NO CANDY when we got to our destination (which was Chutters, the world's longest candy counter, to get decorations for Jack's birthday cake next week).

After a pause, Evan began singing, sort of to the tune of "Frosty the Snowman," his own song called "Wally, the big Green Monster." Alex asked if Wally's real name is the BIG green monster, to which I said I didn't think so, but since he is big, the song made sense to me.

Evan then declared that Wally had no butt. Andrea said she figured he did since any creature that can sit has a "back end." From here there was no saving the conversation.

Evan: You know, if Wally has a butt, then Wally has a penis.

Alex: Yup, he does, he has penis.

Evan: If he has a butt, he has a penis. He has a weiner.

Me: Okay then, that's enough.

Andrea (clearly TRYING to change the focus of the conversation): Evan, do you remember Mimi & Bumpa's (her folks) weiner dog?

Evan: Yes, he had a penis on his back.

Alex: That sounds like a very weird dog.

Andrea: Honey, Mackenzie was a girl dog.

Evan: Oh, that means she had a gyna.

Alex: Yes, girls have gynas - even girl dogs.

Me: Okay then - so what candy do you want to find at the candy counter?

Seriously - there was no saving the conversation but for the fact that we got to the store and then everyone was distracted by seriously, the longest candy counter in the world.

Jack will have a very cool cake (underwater scene with candy chocolate rocks for the sand, green licorice seaweed, gummy fish, sharks and lobsters) and I know A LOT more about Wally the Green Monster then I ever thought I needed to know (and this coming from a life-long Red Sox fan).