Lemonade

Alex adores lemonade - I mean, he LOVES it. He would drink it morning, noon and night if we let him. It's the closest he gets to soda, which he asks for daily and we know if we relent it's just a slippery slope this 5 year old would send his parents down and watch from the top giggling as we struggled to get back to the top.

So this afternoon I had to leave work early to get the boys after school as our friend who was going to babysit had a sick child. We went to one of the boys' favorite places, the Newbury General Store to get the weekly "Friday treat." Jack quickly chose the Peppermint Patty and explained that next week he'll be getting the Reese's Peanut Butter heart. Alex took his time, looking at every candy option in the store. I mean he looked at everything - "can I have two things Mama?" "NO." "What about . . ." "NO."

We learned that new people are buying our favorite general store and Alex declared "I want to by this Great General Store. If owned this store, then all the candy would be mine and I am a sugar hound." Truer words were rarely spoken.

Upon leaving the store we went to get groceries. How lovely to go to our grocery store on a day other than Saturday or Sunday! No crowds, everything pretty freshly stocked - it was a joy (as grocery shopping goes). As we went by the frozen food aisles Alex asked if we could get lemonade. I said "sure" as I knew I hadn't bought any in awhile and we probably didn't have any at home.

When we got home and I finished bringing the groceries Alex went to the refrigerator and pulled out a can of lemonade concentrate.

"Mama, just so you know, I asked you to buy lemonade as a back-up. I knew we had this lemonade in the fridge and I thought - you know, what if we make this and then someone goes crazy and just drinks lemonade all day? We needed a back up - I needed to know we had a back-up lemonade."

What do you say to that? I said, "gotcha - let's make that lemonade."

What the Force Can Do

Star Wars has been a theme in our house for years. Back when Jack had trouble saying his "L's" and "S's" he talked all the time about "Yuke Kywalker." Since Jack was three he has loved Star Wars and Alex, who has to love all things Jack loves, followed quickly in his footsteps. We have a Storm Trooper costume, countless light sabers and a big plastic tin full of Action Figures (not to mention some Legos and spaceships!).

Recently, one night as we drove home Alex asked Jack if he wanted to play Star Wars when we got home. "Sure" Jack said. "The human kind?" Alex asked (as opposed to Action figures). "Yeah, the human kind" Jack answered. "Don't be bossy this time Jack!" demanded Alex. "I'm NOT bossy Alex!" Jack retorted. "Well, actually Jack, you are sometimes. Like when you tell me what to do and what is going to happen in the whole game." Jack had no response to that point . . .

When we got home the light sabers came out and the game began. If I understood correctly from my vantage point in the kitchen, Jack was Obi-Wan and Alex was Annakin. This is perfect for Jack as he gets to be the "Jedi Master" and thus he's not being "bossy" he's being the teacher! They were doing a whole light saber battle which started to get a bit frenzied when I could here Jack shout "Alex! You can't use the force to make me do crazy things!" "Yes I can!" Alex replied, "I'm learning how to use it!!!!!!"

Back by Popular Demand!

In the fall of 2009 I started using my Facebook status updates to share quick stories about the boys. Friends who enjoyed them encouraged me to start a blog, and so now, here we are!

So, to satisfy some of my friends who said they want to here some of the old stories again, this post will be a number of quick stories from fall 2009. If I neglected to include one of your favorites, let me know and I'll post it as a "Greatest Hit!"

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One morning's breakfast table conversation with the boys:
ME: You boys really need haircuts.
JACK: NO! I want to grow my hair so I can wear a ponytail.
ALEX: I want to grow my hair past my butt - past my butt crack - past my penis! Can it grow that long?

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Jack was looking at an old scrapbook Grandpa and Grandma made him of their visit when he was about 18 months old and "helped" Joel build the wall that created our laundry closet. His comment? "I helped build a wall? I look hideous!"

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Two Alex Tales: 1) I know you're my Mama because you are a girl, but not a little girl, a grownup because you are tall. I know you love me because you have to since you’re my Mom. Oh, and by the way, you also give me lots of kisses and hugs - those are pretty nice, most of the time.

Alex Tale #2 (from the Dunkin' Donuts bathroom): ALEX: You know Mama, I think it would be better if boys and girls both had penises. ME: Really? You may change your mind on that one someday. ALEX: No, I don't think so. It's better to be able to pee either standing or sitting, not like you who has to sit so the pee can come out your 'gyna.

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Jack called me at work after school and he was full of righteous indignation. Alex talked about his thumb surgery (2 yrs ago) to a fellow kindergartner. "He talked about my body without my permission! I feel like I just can't trust him anymore. I thought we were over this, but apparently we aren't!" When asked what it would take to... trust his little brother again, he said "He has to not talk about my body for 2 years!" YIKES!

Vocabulary

This tale was told to me by my husband Joel and we agreed it was blog worthy, though short!

On Monday we had an unexpected school closure and so Joel had the whole day with the boys and they couldn't go outside because it was pouring rain and everywhere was icy. Stuck inside, the TV is on more than usual in our house. From what I gather they had been watching a show on the Discovery Channel or Animal Planet that was child appropriate (even the best child can only take so much Noggin/Nick Jr I guess!), but as is often the case in this day and age, some commercials were not.

Joel was in the kitchen and could hear that the ad said something about "sexy" which brought gales of laughter from both boys. "Sexy?" Alex said "That's not even a real word!"

For a child so obsessed with nudity and "private parts" I'm comforted to know the concept of "sexy" still alludes him.

Baseball!

Earlier this week, the boys were clearly hit by SPRING FEVER and decided to arrange their stuffed animals and action figures into an impromptu baseball game.

As I was getting ready for work Alex came to me and explained how Obi Wan (yes, from Star Wars) had just hit the ball so far it went past the sofa and past the chair and past who knows what else he said, but it went far! It went so far that Cuddly (the multi-colored plush bear) had quit the team. I guess Obi Wan's superior hitting just made Cuddly give up on baseball? Joel and I hope that Obi Wan wasn't juicing and that it was really the force that helped him hit so far.

Anyway, the game progressed and Jack's team, according to Jack, was clearly winning. I think this might have been due to the fact that Alex's animals kept quitting. First Cuddly, then Finny (the Dolphin, not to be confused with Jack's dolphin, Dolphy) quit after Turty (yup, you guessed, Jack's turtle) hit a ball up near the stairs.

Pretty soon the game didn't resemble baseball at all, but it gave me, the mother who is counting the days until spring training, a little taste of baseball and that was a wonderful thing on a rainy and strangely warm morning.

Tales from the Tub

For those of you readers who are parents, you may agree with me that the best comments from your children often come when they don't know you are listening. Jack and Alex love to play in the tub - bringing into the water an amazing assortment of Playmobil figures, Rescue Heroes, Galactic Hero Star Wars figures, etc. When I'm cleaning up the kitchen after dinner I can hear them in the tub, and the following are two pieces from a recent bathing experience.

To help explain the first tale - we have posted three words (what, want, why) that Jack struggles spelling on the cabinet behind the toilet so he has to read them every time he walks into the bathroom (nifty suggestion from his teacher!). Alex asked Jack to read words posted and then to use “want” in sentence.
Alex: I want you to have fun in tub.
Jack: I want to be part of a zoo.
Alex: I want to have great big poops in my penis

Later from the tub I heard Jack explain the principle of “whoever smelt it dealt it” - a charming phrase I hated in my youth, and still find pretty nasty. Alex was giggling about bubbles in the water and said "Jack! You tooted in the tub! I can smell it!" Jack answers back defiantly "I did NOT. Whoever smelt it, dealt it!" Alex says "huh?" to which Jack seriously explains "Alex, it's like if you smell the stinkiness, it means it really came out of your body." Alex, now informed, says "oh, so it came out of MY butt!"

The truth behind warfare . . .

This story came to me via my Mom, otherwise known as "Gramma Mary." She watches the boys after school Monday through Thursday and often is kind enough to call me at work with amusing anecdotes.

In this instance, the boys were recreating some semblance of the French & Indian war (no, I'm not making this up). Alex asked Gramma Mary if she could make him an Indian headband and they came up with the ingenious plan of stapling the ends of a nice white ribbon from a Talbot's box so that it would stay around his head. Upon donning his "Indian head-dress" he began making a lot of karate type moves. Now, I was a history major, but didn't specialize in early American history, so I could be wrong about this, but I don't believe karate was a part of the Native American defense strategy in any of their battles. But, historical accuracy aside, Alex was in rare form.

Jack, who was apparently a soldier, chased Alex for a bit and much screaming took place as they battled. When Gramma Mary suggested they call a truce - perhaps they could start a farm together or something, Jack explained that wouldn't be possible. "You see Gramma" he said "The French Indians had a bad play-date and that is why they are at war."

You know, that could explain A LOT about warfare in general. Just imagine if we all had good play-dates, would there still be war? Perhaps there is a future in philosophy for my eldest boy . . .

Allergies

Earlier this week, when we dropped the boys off at school, the nurse asked me to stop in before leaving. I figured it was to ask about flu shots or something of that ilk - but it was about Alex. Apparently Alex, who has been complaining of itchy eyes lately, was brought down by his kindergarten teacher so the nurse could see if there was something irritating his eye.

The nurse checked his eyes and found nothing of concern and so asked "Alex, do you have any allergies?" She told me he looked up at her with this little smile on his face and said "Well, I'm allergic to my brother."

"Oh dear" she replied "that's too bad, especially as you will be with him for quite some time."

"Until I'm 18" said Alex.

"Or maybe even longer" she added.

At which point, Jack walked by the office with his class and Alex shouted out "Hey Jack! See you later!"

It's that brotherly love/hate thing I guess. Don't we always love some of the things that irritate us?

Tinkertoyitis

This story is actually from December 2009, but it is still talked about within our family so I thought it good to share as my first post! Alex was 4 and a half and in preschool at the time.

"What is Tinkertoyitis?" you ask? Well it may be a new diagnosis, and our beloved Alex was it's victim. Here is the cautionary tale of the discovery of this new disease . . .

Sunday night Alex goes pee before going up to bed with Joel. Joel comes in to report to me that it looked like there might have been a bit of blood at the end of Alex's peeing. Concerned, but not rushing to negative conclusions, both of us agreed that since Alex complained of no pain and appeared in excellent health, we'd see if it was just punch he drank at the work party we'd been to earlier that day.

Monday night, Alex comes running into the living room from the bathroom to declare to everyone that red drops came out of his penis! I rushed in and was relieved to see he had not peed red, but yes indeed, the tell-tale drips that all boys seem to leave on the toilet seat were indeed red! "To the Doctor tomorrow!" declared Mama and Daddy, both of us suspecting urinary tract infection and feeling proud of our diagnostic skills.

Tuesday morning I stayed with Alex and got a nice early appointment, our Doctor agreeing that blood in pee is not a good thing, nor anything to be taken lightly. Alex, still in excellent spirits, is excited to go because he says "I don't like red stuff coming out of my penis."

Upon arriving at the doctor Alex got to pee in a cup for the first time (and adventure for me too!) and we waited to hear the results. Dr. Deb, the same wonderful, calm and non-judgmental woman who delivered Alex (and Jack), had us come in and said that the test came back negative, no trace of anything nasty in Alex's pee. She then asks, so delicately - "does Alex ever 'explore' or play with himself? ever put things down his pants?" I IMMEDIATELY envisioned how Alex had the head of his beloved duck Quack Quack down his pants the other morning, and the frequency with with he shoves his Tinkertoy weapons down his pants and answered Dr. Deb quietly with a "he does put things down his pants." Alex, meanwhile, is climbing on the examination table and asking what the stirrups are for (grown up ladies was the answer - not for putting your arms in, as Alex thought).

So Dr. Deb and I agree that Quack Quack, being a stuffed duck, was unlikely to actually bite Alex, but Tinkertoys down the pants could cause a tiny scrape that might bleed just a bit at the end of a good pee. "Alex, come on over so we can check out your penis" our doctor said, and I pulled down his pant so Dr. Deb could look for any signs of "trauma." While nothing was obvious, Alex and I were reminded that the skin of the penis is very fragile and can bleed just a bit very easily when Tinkertoys are thrust down one's pants in the midst of a battle with the wily 6 year old older brother!

"Alex" I explain "you can't put your Tinkertoys down the front of your pants any more, or in your PJ's."

"Why?" asked Alex, looking concerned.

"Well, remember how you said you don't like the red stuff coming out of your penis? That happened because you scraped yourself and it made you bleed. If you don't want the red stuff, you have to keep the Tinkertoys out of your underwear; do you understand?"

Alex nods and whispers in my ear "can I put them down the back of my pants?"

Best $10 co-pay I've made to the Doctor!!