Synonyms & Wally

This morning Jack and Joel went out for the first day of youth hunting season. When they left at 6ish in the morning, Alex crawled into bed with me and I thought that meant I might get to sleep until 7am or maybe even 7:30, snuggling with my Bander-Bear. **sigh**

At about 6:20am Alex says "Mama, get your butt out of bed."
I reply, "WHAT did you just say to me?"

Alex - Mama, PLEASE get your butt out of bed.

Me - Alex, I'm not getting up if you are going to talk to me like that.

Alex - uh, uh, Mama, PLEASE get your toukas out of bed?

Me - ALEX!

Alex - Mama! PLEASE get your gluteuus maximus out of bed?

At this I had to laugh - I mean, he was trying . . .

So later in the day we went on an "adventure" with our friend Andrea and her son Evan, who is a year younger than Alex (he just turned 5). In the backseat of our car they were singing some song about butts, to which both us Mom's demanded a total cease and desist or NO CANDY when we got to our destination (which was Chutters, the world's longest candy counter, to get decorations for Jack's birthday cake next week).

After a pause, Evan began singing, sort of to the tune of "Frosty the Snowman," his own song called "Wally, the big Green Monster." Alex asked if Wally's real name is the BIG green monster, to which I said I didn't think so, but since he is big, the song made sense to me.

Evan then declared that Wally had no butt. Andrea said she figured he did since any creature that can sit has a "back end." From here there was no saving the conversation.

Evan: You know, if Wally has a butt, then Wally has a penis.

Alex: Yup, he does, he has penis.

Evan: If he has a butt, he has a penis. He has a weiner.

Me: Okay then, that's enough.

Andrea (clearly TRYING to change the focus of the conversation): Evan, do you remember Mimi & Bumpa's (her folks) weiner dog?

Evan: Yes, he had a penis on his back.

Alex: That sounds like a very weird dog.

Andrea: Honey, Mackenzie was a girl dog.

Evan: Oh, that means she had a gyna.

Alex: Yes, girls have gynas - even girl dogs.

Me: Okay then - so what candy do you want to find at the candy counter?

Seriously - there was no saving the conversation but for the fact that we got to the store and then everyone was distracted by seriously, the longest candy counter in the world.

Jack will have a very cool cake (underwater scene with candy chocolate rocks for the sand, green licorice seaweed, gummy fish, sharks and lobsters) and I know A LOT more about Wally the Green Monster then I ever thought I needed to know (and this coming from a life-long Red Sox fan).

Spring is Springing!

April is coming in full of the promise of spring. For Alex, this means he doesn't feel he should have to wear "real coats," but instead can use his beloved zip-up sweatshirt collection for all outdoor needs. This child has at least 4 zip-up sweatshirts (thank you Aunt Noelle for the 2 he got at Christmas!), but when he wears one to school and one to bed (don't ask, we don't know why), we are constantly washing them. I fear this weekend will send me to the store in search of more so we can avoid frantic morning searches of "Where is my sweatshirt? Mama, is it clean? Tell me my green one is clean!"

While the beginning of this week was full of rain, EVERYONE has been talking about the warm weather coming at the end of the week. Seriously - really spring like weather - 70's and sunny! Last night as I put the boys to bed Alex was literally writhing in his bed saying "I can't sleep Mama, I'm so excited for tomorrow!" I asked why, not thinking of the weather forecast, "MAMA - it's going to be like 100 degrees tomorrow! It will be like summer! I'm going to wear my tank top and my sweatshirt and maybe I can even take it off at recess!"

He did finally get to sleep, but the first words out of his mouth this morning were "Oh I am SO EXCITED! It's going to be warm today and we'll get two outdoor recesses!"

As I look out my office window and the sun is shining, I can picture both boys playing happily in the sunshine - and maybe Alex's teacher will let him take the sweatshirt off outside . . .

Money makes the world go round . . .

Last night I had the boys in Walmart as we had to get a birthday gift for Alex's friend. After much hemming and hawing we selected a nice "fishing guy action figure" (I am NOT making that up). "Fully Articulated Figure" is printed right on the box and it comes with a boat, net, fishing pole and two large mouth fish. We all agreed it was pretty cool and much better than the Power Ranger Alex originally wanted to get for him. We also got the friend a set of "Crazy 8" cards as Alex is a true chard shark; I figure his friends should be prepared as he already wants to play for money.

This brings me to the focal point of this post: While walking by the DVD's Jack discovered that you can get the whole first season of the animated "Star Wars: The Clone Wars." He literally JUMPED for joy! I had to rain on his parade as it cost $35 and while I'm all for the impromptu baseball card or Hot Wheels car purchase, $35 is out of Mama's price range.

Jack took this well though and we agreed it was a good item for his birthday list, or something we as a family could save up for together (Jack clearly thinking I am as excited about this as he is - Joel might actually enjoy it, whereas I could never see it and live a totally fulfilled life).

"Alex" Jack said as we walked to the checkout area "would you give some of your money to get the movie?"

Alex shakes his head "no."

"But Alex" Jack implores "you love Star Wars like I do - you'll really like having all the episodes!"

"Jack" Alex says very seriously "you are forgetting that I am saving all my money so I can be rich."

"Oh right" Jack sighs "and then you'll use it to buy all the Star Wars Lego sets."

"RIGHT!" Alex shouts cheerfully.

Maybe Alex will be the one to keep me and Joel in the manner to which we'd like to become accustomed in our old age . . . assuming he'll spend his money on us.

Tattoo You

I'm back - it's been awhile but I'm back!

A few weeks ago Alex hopped up onto my lap and declared "I want a permanent tattoo."

"Really?" I replied, thinking it was interesting he knew the difference between his kid tattoos and "permanent tattoos."

"Yes. I'm getting a permanent tattoo right here" and he pointed to the spot right between his eyebrows. "Will it hurt?" he asked innocently.

"Yes, it will hurt" I answered, somewhat stunned.

"Really? Because they will just go in-out, in-out, in-out. Will it still hurt?"

"Yes, it will still hurt. You know Alex, if you get a tattoo on the middle of you forehead everyone will see it all the time."

"They will?" he asked "but we don't see Daddy's all the time." (Joel has a tattoo on his upper arm of the Wild Thing from "Where the Wild Things Are.")

"Honey, everyone can't see Daddy's tattoo all the time because it's on his arm and it's covered by his shirt."

"Oh right - I guess people only see it when he wears a tank top."

At this I almost laughed out loud as in the now close to 14 years I've known Joel he has NEVER worn a tank top.

"Well, I think mostly people see it when Daddy goes to the beach and isn't wearing a shirt. But if you get a tattoo on your forehead, you can't cover it with a shirt or anything."

"That's okay Mama, I'll just cover it with a band-aid and take it off when I want the guys to see it. That way the girl's can't see it ever."

And with that, the conversation ended as Jack returned from brushing his teeth and demanded Alex take his turn. Saved by the demand for dental hygiene!

Big Bang Theory

On our ride home tonight Jack explained a game he's been playing with his friend William at recess. Apparently it's sort of an Indiana Jones meets The Magic Tree-house/Dr. Who. Jack gets to be Indy and William is Shorty. There is a tree in the playground they call the "Time Travel Tree."

If I understood him correctly, they went to the Time Travel Tree and it took them all the way back to before the Big Bang. "Where were you?" I asked. "Before the Big Bang Mama - before the cave men and the dinosaurs - before the earth!"

"Okay, but if there was no earth, then where were you?"

"In space. We are floating in space."

"Gotcha - well how do you get back to earth?"

"That's the problem, there is no Time Travel Tree because there is no earth, so we are stuck in outer space. It's really not fair because I don't have my whip either!"

"What happened to your whip? Doesn't Indy always have his whip?"

"Well, the first time we used the Time Travel Tree we went to the future and it got lost, so now I don't have it when we are in space."

Alex chimed in with this question "Why can't you get a new whip?"

"ALEX" Jack said, "you can't just find a whip in outer space!"

Trying to avoid an argument about whips in space, I jumped back in to ask for more details on the whole floating around in space thing. Jack clarified by saying they have to stay in space until the Big Bang, at which point they can get back to earth because, as Jack said "that's when God created it - he made the bang."

"Oh No" Jack says "there is something important I forgot to tell William."

"What's that?" I ask.

"I forgot to tell him that after the Big Bang and the earth gets made, it starts out all water. So it's going to take a long time to get to the Time Travel Tree. First the land has to come, then the tree. It starts out as just a twig you know."

"Really?" I say. "I had no idea . . ."

I have to say, I like the idea of Indy and his buddy floating through space looking for Indy's whip.

Sick Day

Sunday morning started with Jack declaring he felt "icky." "Icky how?" I ask, rubbing sleep from my eyes and hoping Joel already had the coffee going (poor man had to work all weekend so he was already up). "Icky in my tummy." Now understand, Alex declares his tummy hurts, generally speaking, at least once a day. Basically, if Alex is bored with the current activity or doesn't want to eat what is in front of him, he tells any one who will listen that his stomach hurts. This got him sent home from school a few times, but now his teacher has caught on to the method of his madness.

Jack, on the other hand, has yet to fake a single illness (or if he did, he did it so well I still don't know). Knowing a stomach bug was making it's way around, I told him to go the bathroom and downstairs I came. Nothing came up/out, but he looked crummy and so I got him settled on the love-seat with a cozy blanket and a water bottle and our lobster pot in case he couldn't make it. . .

Our plans for the day now significantly altered, it was a day filled with random chores and amusing anecdotes. Alex, who was not sick - AT ALL - enjoyed filling his new baseball card binder and singing quietly to himself "Pedroia - Pedroyyyyyaaaa the Destroyaaaaaaaah." Jack, did not enjoy moaning quietly from the love-seat and refusing all offers of food.

"How about some toast?" I offered. "No thank you" replied Jack. "I want toast! I'll eat toast! Can I have jam on my toast? No peanut butter, just jam. I'll eat it Mama, I'll eat it." enthused Alex.

Jack felt so crummy he didn't want to play cards or any other game and so it was hard to keep him entertained as he could never decide what he wanted to watch or have read to him. Alex would chime in with his preferences, and thus the only thing Jack did know was that he did NOT want whatever Alex requested.

Things were getting a bit frustrating for the one adult in the house, so happily our friend was still willing to take Alex for a couple of hours and he got to see a basketball game at the nearby high school and thus was out of Jack's hair.

Jack decided a bath would help and so he assumed almost the identical curled up position from the love-seat, only now in the tub. The one difference, besides the obvious water and nudity, was in the bathtub he also had his sailboat. The bath did not help, but it did energize him enough that I got him to eat an egg. This made me feel better, but not Jack. As a mother, I have to say that nothing SUCKS more than watching your child feel crummy and there is NOTHING you can do to make it go away.

Alex returned home and was amazed that Jack was still curled up on the love-seat. "Wow, are you STILL sick?" he asked? "Yeah . . ." Jack whimpered. He may not get sick often, but when he does, he is extremely pitiful. "Well when will you be better? I want to play!" "I don't know Alex, someday I'll be better . . ."

We ended up all enjoying a marathon of "Ace of Cakes" shows on the Food Network. The most excited Jack got all day was when they made a cake of a Clone Trooper helmet. Mary Alice started out saying it was a "Storm Trooper" helmet, but as soon as they showed a picture of the example they were going by, Jack shouted out "that's a CLONE trooper, not a STORM trooper!" The force is strong in Jack.

This morning Jack was back to his Love-Bug self; I love the healing power within that boy! We still kept him home and I was with him until I took him to hang out with my Mom so I could go to work. Alex sweetly patted his big brother's head before leaving with Joel and called out that he loved Jack. Lovely moment - aren't they always the nicest when they are leaving each other?

Jack made up for the lost play time and had his Star Wars guys battling the Play-Mobil Napoleonic soldiers (who Jack says are Revolutionary War soldiers - specifically one of them is George Washington). He kept asking me to come in and see the carnage around my vintage Fisher-Price castle (the battle site). It was impressive how victorious the soldiers were against the multitudes of Star Wars guys. Jack said it was because George Washington shot down the jet pack.

So now we just keep our fingers crossed that the illness is out of our house - or that if any of us get it, we get the 12 hour version Jack got!

Sunday's at Church with Alex

Our Alexander Bander Bear was in rare form on Sunday when we went to church. Our Pastor, a wonderful Grandfatherly man, brought the children to the front for his "Children's Time." Now please understand, our church is tiny (not in physical size, but in membership). There are generally 30+ people in attendance and this week there were 5 children for Sunday School. In the winter we worship in our vestry to save the cost of heating our large, old New England, sanctuary.

Our Pastor was working to relate some of Paul's teachings from 1 Corinthians to the children and thus he told them about his two sons and how though very different from each other, they always were close and have remained good friends now that they are adults. As he began his story he said, "now some of you have brothers or sisters" to which Alex interrupted by declaring "I DO! He's right here (pointing enthusiastically) - JACK!" (polite chuckling from congregation)

"Yes, Jack is your brother, very good. Now my first son was very interested in bugs and fish -"

"Jack has a fish - his name is Batey (as in Beta fish)!" (more polite chuckling)

"Excellent. My son basically liked all sorts of small animals. Do any of you have pet mice?"

"We have mice in our house! Sometimes our kitties eat them." (slightly louder chuckling)

"Well yes, many older houses have mice. These were pet mice my son kept in a cage."

He was then able to get most of his story told - we learned how the animal loving son became a doctor and the other son, who liked to build things, is now a computer engineer. They still help each other out (resetting dislocated fingers/rebooting computers)- very nice story. In wrapping up he said that while they have always been close, that didn't mean they didn't fight sometimes.

Slightly in jest he asks "now, none of you fight with your brothers or sisters, right?"

"Oh No!" Alex shouts. "We fight, I punch Jack!" (laughter erupts from congregation).

Bless our Pastor - for countless reasons - but he kept a straight face and let that comment pass . . .

When the children were dismissed for Sunday School Jack came over to me and said "Mama, WHY did Alex have to say all that? I mean, I hit him too sometimes!" **sigh**

After the service numerous people came to me to say how cute Alex is, how funny he is, etc. I, of course, am thinking that from Alex's statements, one would think he goes around punching Jack all the time with no consequence - which is most certainly NOT the case! I explained that to a few folks, but one friend summed him up perfectly "Now that kid - he's a pistol."

God help us all.