Deep in the Heart of Texas

Joel's folks were visiting us for Jack's birthday and they had to leave today. Both boys were eager to snuggle with their Grandpa this morning when the woke up and came downstairs. Jack suddenly went to our picture window and said "Wow, that is a huge black cat walking up the road. I hope it's not Scout (our large black cat)." I told him it wasn't as I'd just seen Scout upstairs so he was safe inside.

"Maybe it's a cougar!" said Grandpa teasingly.

"No, there aren't cougars in Vermont. Cougars live in Texas." replied Alex

"Yup and it's one, two, three, four, five states away. A nine day drive to Texas!" contributes Jack.

"Actually, there are way more than five states between us and Texas, but at the same time it wouldn't take nine days unless you chose to make a lot of stops." I added.

"Yeah Jack, you were really wrong." Alex scolds. "And there are lots and lots of cougars in Texas. Lots."

"How long do you think it takes to get to Texas?" asks Grandpa innocently.

"152 days." Alex replies seriously.

Grandpa and I exchanged a knowing look and mutually realized we probably weren't going to get very far explaining the lack of cougars in Texas. Although, I suppose if they were talking about older women dating younger men, perhaps Texas does have a lot of cougars . . . if they are out there, Alex will surely find them.

Tall Tales of Grandpa

On the way home with boys tonight Alex once again said something about Jack being "weird." I didn't even have to say anything about not using "hurt words" as Jack jumped right in and the following conversation ensued.

JACK: Alex, you have been saying that ever since Grandpa and Grandma Joyce last came to our house.

ALEX: Have not!

JACK: Yes you have!! You kept telling Grandpa he was weird and he said you were weird, and you'd say you weren't and he was. Grandpa is NOT weird - if Grandpa is weird than you are too.

ALEX: I said he was weird because he kept sitting on us!

JACK: Yeah, well I like it when he sits on us, it's funny.

ALEX: I can't breathe when he sits on me - he's too big and I'm too little. You really like it?

JACK: I do, it's funny! I also like trying to eat his thumb.

ALEX: Yeah, I like that game - I almost got it once!

JACK: I did bite it - but not hard.

ALEX: That's good, we shouldn't hurt Grandpa, even if he does sit on me.

Okay - let me just say that I have NEVER seen my father-in-law sit on either boy. He plays with them, they laugh and tickle, but NEVER have I seen all this sitting and finger biting they both talked about in such detail. I will have to keep my eyes open when they get here at the end of the week . . .

Synonyms & Wally

This morning Jack and Joel went out for the first day of youth hunting season. When they left at 6ish in the morning, Alex crawled into bed with me and I thought that meant I might get to sleep until 7am or maybe even 7:30, snuggling with my Bander-Bear. **sigh**

At about 6:20am Alex says "Mama, get your butt out of bed."
I reply, "WHAT did you just say to me?"

Alex - Mama, PLEASE get your butt out of bed.

Me - Alex, I'm not getting up if you are going to talk to me like that.

Alex - uh, uh, Mama, PLEASE get your toukas out of bed?

Me - ALEX!

Alex - Mama! PLEASE get your gluteuus maximus out of bed?

At this I had to laugh - I mean, he was trying . . .

So later in the day we went on an "adventure" with our friend Andrea and her son Evan, who is a year younger than Alex (he just turned 5). In the backseat of our car they were singing some song about butts, to which both us Mom's demanded a total cease and desist or NO CANDY when we got to our destination (which was Chutters, the world's longest candy counter, to get decorations for Jack's birthday cake next week).

After a pause, Evan began singing, sort of to the tune of "Frosty the Snowman," his own song called "Wally, the big Green Monster." Alex asked if Wally's real name is the BIG green monster, to which I said I didn't think so, but since he is big, the song made sense to me.

Evan then declared that Wally had no butt. Andrea said she figured he did since any creature that can sit has a "back end." From here there was no saving the conversation.

Evan: You know, if Wally has a butt, then Wally has a penis.

Alex: Yup, he does, he has penis.

Evan: If he has a butt, he has a penis. He has a weiner.

Me: Okay then, that's enough.

Andrea (clearly TRYING to change the focus of the conversation): Evan, do you remember Mimi & Bumpa's (her folks) weiner dog?

Evan: Yes, he had a penis on his back.

Alex: That sounds like a very weird dog.

Andrea: Honey, Mackenzie was a girl dog.

Evan: Oh, that means she had a gyna.

Alex: Yes, girls have gynas - even girl dogs.

Me: Okay then - so what candy do you want to find at the candy counter?

Seriously - there was no saving the conversation but for the fact that we got to the store and then everyone was distracted by seriously, the longest candy counter in the world.

Jack will have a very cool cake (underwater scene with candy chocolate rocks for the sand, green licorice seaweed, gummy fish, sharks and lobsters) and I know A LOT more about Wally the Green Monster then I ever thought I needed to know (and this coming from a life-long Red Sox fan).

Spring is Springing!

April is coming in full of the promise of spring. For Alex, this means he doesn't feel he should have to wear "real coats," but instead can use his beloved zip-up sweatshirt collection for all outdoor needs. This child has at least 4 zip-up sweatshirts (thank you Aunt Noelle for the 2 he got at Christmas!), but when he wears one to school and one to bed (don't ask, we don't know why), we are constantly washing them. I fear this weekend will send me to the store in search of more so we can avoid frantic morning searches of "Where is my sweatshirt? Mama, is it clean? Tell me my green one is clean!"

While the beginning of this week was full of rain, EVERYONE has been talking about the warm weather coming at the end of the week. Seriously - really spring like weather - 70's and sunny! Last night as I put the boys to bed Alex was literally writhing in his bed saying "I can't sleep Mama, I'm so excited for tomorrow!" I asked why, not thinking of the weather forecast, "MAMA - it's going to be like 100 degrees tomorrow! It will be like summer! I'm going to wear my tank top and my sweatshirt and maybe I can even take it off at recess!"

He did finally get to sleep, but the first words out of his mouth this morning were "Oh I am SO EXCITED! It's going to be warm today and we'll get two outdoor recesses!"

As I look out my office window and the sun is shining, I can picture both boys playing happily in the sunshine - and maybe Alex's teacher will let him take the sweatshirt off outside . . .

Money makes the world go round . . .

Last night I had the boys in Walmart as we had to get a birthday gift for Alex's friend. After much hemming and hawing we selected a nice "fishing guy action figure" (I am NOT making that up). "Fully Articulated Figure" is printed right on the box and it comes with a boat, net, fishing pole and two large mouth fish. We all agreed it was pretty cool and much better than the Power Ranger Alex originally wanted to get for him. We also got the friend a set of "Crazy 8" cards as Alex is a true chard shark; I figure his friends should be prepared as he already wants to play for money.

This brings me to the focal point of this post: While walking by the DVD's Jack discovered that you can get the whole first season of the animated "Star Wars: The Clone Wars." He literally JUMPED for joy! I had to rain on his parade as it cost $35 and while I'm all for the impromptu baseball card or Hot Wheels car purchase, $35 is out of Mama's price range.

Jack took this well though and we agreed it was a good item for his birthday list, or something we as a family could save up for together (Jack clearly thinking I am as excited about this as he is - Joel might actually enjoy it, whereas I could never see it and live a totally fulfilled life).

"Alex" Jack said as we walked to the checkout area "would you give some of your money to get the movie?"

Alex shakes his head "no."

"But Alex" Jack implores "you love Star Wars like I do - you'll really like having all the episodes!"

"Jack" Alex says very seriously "you are forgetting that I am saving all my money so I can be rich."

"Oh right" Jack sighs "and then you'll use it to buy all the Star Wars Lego sets."

"RIGHT!" Alex shouts cheerfully.

Maybe Alex will be the one to keep me and Joel in the manner to which we'd like to become accustomed in our old age . . . assuming he'll spend his money on us.

Tattoo You

I'm back - it's been awhile but I'm back!

A few weeks ago Alex hopped up onto my lap and declared "I want a permanent tattoo."

"Really?" I replied, thinking it was interesting he knew the difference between his kid tattoos and "permanent tattoos."

"Yes. I'm getting a permanent tattoo right here" and he pointed to the spot right between his eyebrows. "Will it hurt?" he asked innocently.

"Yes, it will hurt" I answered, somewhat stunned.

"Really? Because they will just go in-out, in-out, in-out. Will it still hurt?"

"Yes, it will still hurt. You know Alex, if you get a tattoo on the middle of you forehead everyone will see it all the time."

"They will?" he asked "but we don't see Daddy's all the time." (Joel has a tattoo on his upper arm of the Wild Thing from "Where the Wild Things Are.")

"Honey, everyone can't see Daddy's tattoo all the time because it's on his arm and it's covered by his shirt."

"Oh right - I guess people only see it when he wears a tank top."

At this I almost laughed out loud as in the now close to 14 years I've known Joel he has NEVER worn a tank top.

"Well, I think mostly people see it when Daddy goes to the beach and isn't wearing a shirt. But if you get a tattoo on your forehead, you can't cover it with a shirt or anything."

"That's okay Mama, I'll just cover it with a band-aid and take it off when I want the guys to see it. That way the girl's can't see it ever."

And with that, the conversation ended as Jack returned from brushing his teeth and demanded Alex take his turn. Saved by the demand for dental hygiene!

Big Bang Theory

On our ride home tonight Jack explained a game he's been playing with his friend William at recess. Apparently it's sort of an Indiana Jones meets The Magic Tree-house/Dr. Who. Jack gets to be Indy and William is Shorty. There is a tree in the playground they call the "Time Travel Tree."

If I understood him correctly, they went to the Time Travel Tree and it took them all the way back to before the Big Bang. "Where were you?" I asked. "Before the Big Bang Mama - before the cave men and the dinosaurs - before the earth!"

"Okay, but if there was no earth, then where were you?"

"In space. We are floating in space."

"Gotcha - well how do you get back to earth?"

"That's the problem, there is no Time Travel Tree because there is no earth, so we are stuck in outer space. It's really not fair because I don't have my whip either!"

"What happened to your whip? Doesn't Indy always have his whip?"

"Well, the first time we used the Time Travel Tree we went to the future and it got lost, so now I don't have it when we are in space."

Alex chimed in with this question "Why can't you get a new whip?"

"ALEX" Jack said, "you can't just find a whip in outer space!"

Trying to avoid an argument about whips in space, I jumped back in to ask for more details on the whole floating around in space thing. Jack clarified by saying they have to stay in space until the Big Bang, at which point they can get back to earth because, as Jack said "that's when God created it - he made the bang."

"Oh No" Jack says "there is something important I forgot to tell William."

"What's that?" I ask.

"I forgot to tell him that after the Big Bang and the earth gets made, it starts out all water. So it's going to take a long time to get to the Time Travel Tree. First the land has to come, then the tree. It starts out as just a twig you know."

"Really?" I say. "I had no idea . . ."

I have to say, I like the idea of Indy and his buddy floating through space looking for Indy's whip.

Sick Day

Sunday morning started with Jack declaring he felt "icky." "Icky how?" I ask, rubbing sleep from my eyes and hoping Joel already had the coffee going (poor man had to work all weekend so he was already up). "Icky in my tummy." Now understand, Alex declares his tummy hurts, generally speaking, at least once a day. Basically, if Alex is bored with the current activity or doesn't want to eat what is in front of him, he tells any one who will listen that his stomach hurts. This got him sent home from school a few times, but now his teacher has caught on to the method of his madness.

Jack, on the other hand, has yet to fake a single illness (or if he did, he did it so well I still don't know). Knowing a stomach bug was making it's way around, I told him to go the bathroom and downstairs I came. Nothing came up/out, but he looked crummy and so I got him settled on the love-seat with a cozy blanket and a water bottle and our lobster pot in case he couldn't make it. . .

Our plans for the day now significantly altered, it was a day filled with random chores and amusing anecdotes. Alex, who was not sick - AT ALL - enjoyed filling his new baseball card binder and singing quietly to himself "Pedroia - Pedroyyyyyaaaa the Destroyaaaaaaaah." Jack, did not enjoy moaning quietly from the love-seat and refusing all offers of food.

"How about some toast?" I offered. "No thank you" replied Jack. "I want toast! I'll eat toast! Can I have jam on my toast? No peanut butter, just jam. I'll eat it Mama, I'll eat it." enthused Alex.

Jack felt so crummy he didn't want to play cards or any other game and so it was hard to keep him entertained as he could never decide what he wanted to watch or have read to him. Alex would chime in with his preferences, and thus the only thing Jack did know was that he did NOT want whatever Alex requested.

Things were getting a bit frustrating for the one adult in the house, so happily our friend was still willing to take Alex for a couple of hours and he got to see a basketball game at the nearby high school and thus was out of Jack's hair.

Jack decided a bath would help and so he assumed almost the identical curled up position from the love-seat, only now in the tub. The one difference, besides the obvious water and nudity, was in the bathtub he also had his sailboat. The bath did not help, but it did energize him enough that I got him to eat an egg. This made me feel better, but not Jack. As a mother, I have to say that nothing SUCKS more than watching your child feel crummy and there is NOTHING you can do to make it go away.

Alex returned home and was amazed that Jack was still curled up on the love-seat. "Wow, are you STILL sick?" he asked? "Yeah . . ." Jack whimpered. He may not get sick often, but when he does, he is extremely pitiful. "Well when will you be better? I want to play!" "I don't know Alex, someday I'll be better . . ."

We ended up all enjoying a marathon of "Ace of Cakes" shows on the Food Network. The most excited Jack got all day was when they made a cake of a Clone Trooper helmet. Mary Alice started out saying it was a "Storm Trooper" helmet, but as soon as they showed a picture of the example they were going by, Jack shouted out "that's a CLONE trooper, not a STORM trooper!" The force is strong in Jack.

This morning Jack was back to his Love-Bug self; I love the healing power within that boy! We still kept him home and I was with him until I took him to hang out with my Mom so I could go to work. Alex sweetly patted his big brother's head before leaving with Joel and called out that he loved Jack. Lovely moment - aren't they always the nicest when they are leaving each other?

Jack made up for the lost play time and had his Star Wars guys battling the Play-Mobil Napoleonic soldiers (who Jack says are Revolutionary War soldiers - specifically one of them is George Washington). He kept asking me to come in and see the carnage around my vintage Fisher-Price castle (the battle site). It was impressive how victorious the soldiers were against the multitudes of Star Wars guys. Jack said it was because George Washington shot down the jet pack.

So now we just keep our fingers crossed that the illness is out of our house - or that if any of us get it, we get the 12 hour version Jack got!

Sunday's at Church with Alex

Our Alexander Bander Bear was in rare form on Sunday when we went to church. Our Pastor, a wonderful Grandfatherly man, brought the children to the front for his "Children's Time." Now please understand, our church is tiny (not in physical size, but in membership). There are generally 30+ people in attendance and this week there were 5 children for Sunday School. In the winter we worship in our vestry to save the cost of heating our large, old New England, sanctuary.

Our Pastor was working to relate some of Paul's teachings from 1 Corinthians to the children and thus he told them about his two sons and how though very different from each other, they always were close and have remained good friends now that they are adults. As he began his story he said, "now some of you have brothers or sisters" to which Alex interrupted by declaring "I DO! He's right here (pointing enthusiastically) - JACK!" (polite chuckling from congregation)

"Yes, Jack is your brother, very good. Now my first son was very interested in bugs and fish -"

"Jack has a fish - his name is Batey (as in Beta fish)!" (more polite chuckling)

"Excellent. My son basically liked all sorts of small animals. Do any of you have pet mice?"

"We have mice in our house! Sometimes our kitties eat them." (slightly louder chuckling)

"Well yes, many older houses have mice. These were pet mice my son kept in a cage."

He was then able to get most of his story told - we learned how the animal loving son became a doctor and the other son, who liked to build things, is now a computer engineer. They still help each other out (resetting dislocated fingers/rebooting computers)- very nice story. In wrapping up he said that while they have always been close, that didn't mean they didn't fight sometimes.

Slightly in jest he asks "now, none of you fight with your brothers or sisters, right?"

"Oh No!" Alex shouts. "We fight, I punch Jack!" (laughter erupts from congregation).

Bless our Pastor - for countless reasons - but he kept a straight face and let that comment pass . . .

When the children were dismissed for Sunday School Jack came over to me and said "Mama, WHY did Alex have to say all that? I mean, I hit him too sometimes!" **sigh**

After the service numerous people came to me to say how cute Alex is, how funny he is, etc. I, of course, am thinking that from Alex's statements, one would think he goes around punching Jack all the time with no consequence - which is most certainly NOT the case! I explained that to a few folks, but one friend summed him up perfectly "Now that kid - he's a pistol."

God help us all.

Lemonade

Alex adores lemonade - I mean, he LOVES it. He would drink it morning, noon and night if we let him. It's the closest he gets to soda, which he asks for daily and we know if we relent it's just a slippery slope this 5 year old would send his parents down and watch from the top giggling as we struggled to get back to the top.

So this afternoon I had to leave work early to get the boys after school as our friend who was going to babysit had a sick child. We went to one of the boys' favorite places, the Newbury General Store to get the weekly "Friday treat." Jack quickly chose the Peppermint Patty and explained that next week he'll be getting the Reese's Peanut Butter heart. Alex took his time, looking at every candy option in the store. I mean he looked at everything - "can I have two things Mama?" "NO." "What about . . ." "NO."

We learned that new people are buying our favorite general store and Alex declared "I want to by this Great General Store. If owned this store, then all the candy would be mine and I am a sugar hound." Truer words were rarely spoken.

Upon leaving the store we went to get groceries. How lovely to go to our grocery store on a day other than Saturday or Sunday! No crowds, everything pretty freshly stocked - it was a joy (as grocery shopping goes). As we went by the frozen food aisles Alex asked if we could get lemonade. I said "sure" as I knew I hadn't bought any in awhile and we probably didn't have any at home.

When we got home and I finished bringing the groceries Alex went to the refrigerator and pulled out a can of lemonade concentrate.

"Mama, just so you know, I asked you to buy lemonade as a back-up. I knew we had this lemonade in the fridge and I thought - you know, what if we make this and then someone goes crazy and just drinks lemonade all day? We needed a back up - I needed to know we had a back-up lemonade."

What do you say to that? I said, "gotcha - let's make that lemonade."

What the Force Can Do

Star Wars has been a theme in our house for years. Back when Jack had trouble saying his "L's" and "S's" he talked all the time about "Yuke Kywalker." Since Jack was three he has loved Star Wars and Alex, who has to love all things Jack loves, followed quickly in his footsteps. We have a Storm Trooper costume, countless light sabers and a big plastic tin full of Action Figures (not to mention some Legos and spaceships!).

Recently, one night as we drove home Alex asked Jack if he wanted to play Star Wars when we got home. "Sure" Jack said. "The human kind?" Alex asked (as opposed to Action figures). "Yeah, the human kind" Jack answered. "Don't be bossy this time Jack!" demanded Alex. "I'm NOT bossy Alex!" Jack retorted. "Well, actually Jack, you are sometimes. Like when you tell me what to do and what is going to happen in the whole game." Jack had no response to that point . . .

When we got home the light sabers came out and the game began. If I understood correctly from my vantage point in the kitchen, Jack was Obi-Wan and Alex was Annakin. This is perfect for Jack as he gets to be the "Jedi Master" and thus he's not being "bossy" he's being the teacher! They were doing a whole light saber battle which started to get a bit frenzied when I could here Jack shout "Alex! You can't use the force to make me do crazy things!" "Yes I can!" Alex replied, "I'm learning how to use it!!!!!!"

Back by Popular Demand!

In the fall of 2009 I started using my Facebook status updates to share quick stories about the boys. Friends who enjoyed them encouraged me to start a blog, and so now, here we are!

So, to satisfy some of my friends who said they want to here some of the old stories again, this post will be a number of quick stories from fall 2009. If I neglected to include one of your favorites, let me know and I'll post it as a "Greatest Hit!"

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One morning's breakfast table conversation with the boys:
ME: You boys really need haircuts.
JACK: NO! I want to grow my hair so I can wear a ponytail.
ALEX: I want to grow my hair past my butt - past my butt crack - past my penis! Can it grow that long?

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Jack was looking at an old scrapbook Grandpa and Grandma made him of their visit when he was about 18 months old and "helped" Joel build the wall that created our laundry closet. His comment? "I helped build a wall? I look hideous!"

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Two Alex Tales: 1) I know you're my Mama because you are a girl, but not a little girl, a grownup because you are tall. I know you love me because you have to since you’re my Mom. Oh, and by the way, you also give me lots of kisses and hugs - those are pretty nice, most of the time.

Alex Tale #2 (from the Dunkin' Donuts bathroom): ALEX: You know Mama, I think it would be better if boys and girls both had penises. ME: Really? You may change your mind on that one someday. ALEX: No, I don't think so. It's better to be able to pee either standing or sitting, not like you who has to sit so the pee can come out your 'gyna.

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Jack called me at work after school and he was full of righteous indignation. Alex talked about his thumb surgery (2 yrs ago) to a fellow kindergartner. "He talked about my body without my permission! I feel like I just can't trust him anymore. I thought we were over this, but apparently we aren't!" When asked what it would take to... trust his little brother again, he said "He has to not talk about my body for 2 years!" YIKES!

Vocabulary

This tale was told to me by my husband Joel and we agreed it was blog worthy, though short!

On Monday we had an unexpected school closure and so Joel had the whole day with the boys and they couldn't go outside because it was pouring rain and everywhere was icy. Stuck inside, the TV is on more than usual in our house. From what I gather they had been watching a show on the Discovery Channel or Animal Planet that was child appropriate (even the best child can only take so much Noggin/Nick Jr I guess!), but as is often the case in this day and age, some commercials were not.

Joel was in the kitchen and could hear that the ad said something about "sexy" which brought gales of laughter from both boys. "Sexy?" Alex said "That's not even a real word!"

For a child so obsessed with nudity and "private parts" I'm comforted to know the concept of "sexy" still alludes him.

Baseball!

Earlier this week, the boys were clearly hit by SPRING FEVER and decided to arrange their stuffed animals and action figures into an impromptu baseball game.

As I was getting ready for work Alex came to me and explained how Obi Wan (yes, from Star Wars) had just hit the ball so far it went past the sofa and past the chair and past who knows what else he said, but it went far! It went so far that Cuddly (the multi-colored plush bear) had quit the team. I guess Obi Wan's superior hitting just made Cuddly give up on baseball? Joel and I hope that Obi Wan wasn't juicing and that it was really the force that helped him hit so far.

Anyway, the game progressed and Jack's team, according to Jack, was clearly winning. I think this might have been due to the fact that Alex's animals kept quitting. First Cuddly, then Finny (the Dolphin, not to be confused with Jack's dolphin, Dolphy) quit after Turty (yup, you guessed, Jack's turtle) hit a ball up near the stairs.

Pretty soon the game didn't resemble baseball at all, but it gave me, the mother who is counting the days until spring training, a little taste of baseball and that was a wonderful thing on a rainy and strangely warm morning.

Tales from the Tub

For those of you readers who are parents, you may agree with me that the best comments from your children often come when they don't know you are listening. Jack and Alex love to play in the tub - bringing into the water an amazing assortment of Playmobil figures, Rescue Heroes, Galactic Hero Star Wars figures, etc. When I'm cleaning up the kitchen after dinner I can hear them in the tub, and the following are two pieces from a recent bathing experience.

To help explain the first tale - we have posted three words (what, want, why) that Jack struggles spelling on the cabinet behind the toilet so he has to read them every time he walks into the bathroom (nifty suggestion from his teacher!). Alex asked Jack to read words posted and then to use “want” in sentence.
Alex: I want you to have fun in tub.
Jack: I want to be part of a zoo.
Alex: I want to have great big poops in my penis

Later from the tub I heard Jack explain the principle of “whoever smelt it dealt it” - a charming phrase I hated in my youth, and still find pretty nasty. Alex was giggling about bubbles in the water and said "Jack! You tooted in the tub! I can smell it!" Jack answers back defiantly "I did NOT. Whoever smelt it, dealt it!" Alex says "huh?" to which Jack seriously explains "Alex, it's like if you smell the stinkiness, it means it really came out of your body." Alex, now informed, says "oh, so it came out of MY butt!"

The truth behind warfare . . .

This story came to me via my Mom, otherwise known as "Gramma Mary." She watches the boys after school Monday through Thursday and often is kind enough to call me at work with amusing anecdotes.

In this instance, the boys were recreating some semblance of the French & Indian war (no, I'm not making this up). Alex asked Gramma Mary if she could make him an Indian headband and they came up with the ingenious plan of stapling the ends of a nice white ribbon from a Talbot's box so that it would stay around his head. Upon donning his "Indian head-dress" he began making a lot of karate type moves. Now, I was a history major, but didn't specialize in early American history, so I could be wrong about this, but I don't believe karate was a part of the Native American defense strategy in any of their battles. But, historical accuracy aside, Alex was in rare form.

Jack, who was apparently a soldier, chased Alex for a bit and much screaming took place as they battled. When Gramma Mary suggested they call a truce - perhaps they could start a farm together or something, Jack explained that wouldn't be possible. "You see Gramma" he said "The French Indians had a bad play-date and that is why they are at war."

You know, that could explain A LOT about warfare in general. Just imagine if we all had good play-dates, would there still be war? Perhaps there is a future in philosophy for my eldest boy . . .

Allergies

Earlier this week, when we dropped the boys off at school, the nurse asked me to stop in before leaving. I figured it was to ask about flu shots or something of that ilk - but it was about Alex. Apparently Alex, who has been complaining of itchy eyes lately, was brought down by his kindergarten teacher so the nurse could see if there was something irritating his eye.

The nurse checked his eyes and found nothing of concern and so asked "Alex, do you have any allergies?" She told me he looked up at her with this little smile on his face and said "Well, I'm allergic to my brother."

"Oh dear" she replied "that's too bad, especially as you will be with him for quite some time."

"Until I'm 18" said Alex.

"Or maybe even longer" she added.

At which point, Jack walked by the office with his class and Alex shouted out "Hey Jack! See you later!"

It's that brotherly love/hate thing I guess. Don't we always love some of the things that irritate us?

Tinkertoyitis

This story is actually from December 2009, but it is still talked about within our family so I thought it good to share as my first post! Alex was 4 and a half and in preschool at the time.

"What is Tinkertoyitis?" you ask? Well it may be a new diagnosis, and our beloved Alex was it's victim. Here is the cautionary tale of the discovery of this new disease . . .

Sunday night Alex goes pee before going up to bed with Joel. Joel comes in to report to me that it looked like there might have been a bit of blood at the end of Alex's peeing. Concerned, but not rushing to negative conclusions, both of us agreed that since Alex complained of no pain and appeared in excellent health, we'd see if it was just punch he drank at the work party we'd been to earlier that day.

Monday night, Alex comes running into the living room from the bathroom to declare to everyone that red drops came out of his penis! I rushed in and was relieved to see he had not peed red, but yes indeed, the tell-tale drips that all boys seem to leave on the toilet seat were indeed red! "To the Doctor tomorrow!" declared Mama and Daddy, both of us suspecting urinary tract infection and feeling proud of our diagnostic skills.

Tuesday morning I stayed with Alex and got a nice early appointment, our Doctor agreeing that blood in pee is not a good thing, nor anything to be taken lightly. Alex, still in excellent spirits, is excited to go because he says "I don't like red stuff coming out of my penis."

Upon arriving at the doctor Alex got to pee in a cup for the first time (and adventure for me too!) and we waited to hear the results. Dr. Deb, the same wonderful, calm and non-judgmental woman who delivered Alex (and Jack), had us come in and said that the test came back negative, no trace of anything nasty in Alex's pee. She then asks, so delicately - "does Alex ever 'explore' or play with himself? ever put things down his pants?" I IMMEDIATELY envisioned how Alex had the head of his beloved duck Quack Quack down his pants the other morning, and the frequency with with he shoves his Tinkertoy weapons down his pants and answered Dr. Deb quietly with a "he does put things down his pants." Alex, meanwhile, is climbing on the examination table and asking what the stirrups are for (grown up ladies was the answer - not for putting your arms in, as Alex thought).

So Dr. Deb and I agree that Quack Quack, being a stuffed duck, was unlikely to actually bite Alex, but Tinkertoys down the pants could cause a tiny scrape that might bleed just a bit at the end of a good pee. "Alex, come on over so we can check out your penis" our doctor said, and I pulled down his pant so Dr. Deb could look for any signs of "trauma." While nothing was obvious, Alex and I were reminded that the skin of the penis is very fragile and can bleed just a bit very easily when Tinkertoys are thrust down one's pants in the midst of a battle with the wily 6 year old older brother!

"Alex" I explain "you can't put your Tinkertoys down the front of your pants any more, or in your PJ's."

"Why?" asked Alex, looking concerned.

"Well, remember how you said you don't like the red stuff coming out of your penis? That happened because you scraped yourself and it made you bleed. If you don't want the red stuff, you have to keep the Tinkertoys out of your underwear; do you understand?"

Alex nods and whispers in my ear "can I put them down the back of my pants?"

Best $10 co-pay I've made to the Doctor!!